"Isn't she pretty
Truly the angel's best
Boy, I'm so happy
( I ) have been heaven blessed..."
At around 2:45pm Thursday November 24th
my life became a little less bright.
So...I was about to get my 1 phone call from jail. It was a Friday afternoon and Monday was a holiday so I was gonna do 3 nights in a drunk tank with varying levels of scary messed up drunks who were safer than meth heads on a forced "crash" detox.
One friend might be able to pay the 500 dollars but...maybe not? Another couldn't bail me out but he had my keys so he could feed my cats.
I couldn't risk Chibi going hungry so I called my neighbor. A lot of folks woulda risked it and figured a cat could go without. She coulda. And people who say they never woulda chanced it ( making a cat go hungry ) have obviously never been next to a meth head on a come down so they can't even talk. I had done it before and chose to do it again because if that bail had not come through I woulda killed Andrew when I got out and Chibi woulda been a little lighter and I'd be guilt ridden for life.
I'm not a normal person in case some folks haven't figured that out. I don't build bonds unless they can carry the weight of me and my baggage and that is very very rare. I bonded with Chibi.
She used to chase paper balls like dogs chase balls and return them again and again. Some cats do that a bit...get bored and then move on but Chibi was game all night. I would throw it...she'd fetch it.. and return it to me until my arm got sore. I'd talk to her like a Daddy talks to a newborn and she'd roll around on her back everytime and whatever chick was with me at the time would be going through varying degrees of "WTF????"" .
If Chibi didn't like em' or visa versa...they were good as gone.
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| Whattaya think of this one Chibi?..no? |
She's been on deaths door for about 3 years and she kept pulling out miracles. She had liquid drained from both lungs everyday for 3 months. She defied the odds for years. The Vet could buy a new Explorer with what I dropped for her and the Dr mentioned that once too many times which I took to mean I outta just give up cuz she's a cat and it's getting expensive and no one would blame me if.....
What do I have...STUPID written all over my fucking head? I'd by that Dr a Summer cottage if he could fix her. Money? I don't have human kids...she IS my kid! Even the Vet forgot that.
I took her outta this very entrance and down the steps and into my life so many years ago. She has made me feel good, needed, special and brought countless smiles and laughter into my life. I'd give everything I own and happily live on a beach...a smiling bum if we could just go back...
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| I'm 17ish..she's 1ish |
Just one nice day...like before. Young and healthy. I never could throw that paper ball enough times to make her tired but I'd like to try.....one more time.
THIS song has been playing in my head endlessly? I never even knew it's real title until this post. Is another song more appropriate to express how I feel?...hell yeah! But THIS is the one in my head so it goes in the post. They sound like angels (The Beach Boys) and they surfed and loved the beach and probably Hawaii.....so it is the song that takes her away..
Well its been building up inside of me
For oh I don't know how long
I don't know why
But I keep thinking
Something's bound to go wrong
But she looks in my eyes
And makes me realize
And she says "Don't worry baby"
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Everything will turn out alright
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
