Friday, January 20, 2012

"Knowing" (A Blessing and a Curse)

The birth of this blog was to tell 3 true stories. 2 of those stories cannot be told on this site but I will figure out a way to tell them and protect my freedom. 1...the other so fucked up that even I have trouble believing it and explaining it.I actually cannot.

I have said it before . There is a limit to what the average  person can be expected to believe.

and that's my problem...

I think THAT thought doesn't really ever cross most peoples minds until they have an experience so far beyond the norm that the "truth" suddenly becomes something you can't mention because it will totally discredit you. Forget as a professional I just mean as a human that is to be taken seriously.

The Blessing:

When I was 13 I had an "experience" that lasted several minutes. It included physical contact with me and other items, hearing and visual observation. Trying to explain this with details is too much still.. but I will say......and this may seem odd unless you "felt" what I describe.

Did you watch the t.v. on Sept 11th 2001? I did after the 1st twin tower was struck but before the second one was. I remember watching the first tower on fire on CNN live and as they were covering the event... I watched something come into screen and hit the 2nd tower...for just a split second my eyes and brain were not communicating. I saw it...but for a couple seconds I thought it was a movie or something because it was just defied belief. For just a couple seconds I was dumbfounded....speechless....HOly SHIT!! kinda feeling.

When I was 13 I had THAT for several minutes. One by one event after event pushed me into a mental spot so overwhelming I was frozen in terror. I was seeing hearing and feeling it but something in my brain was just not getting the was WAY TOO much to process. When my brain "re-booted" it started telling my body to RUN!!! But it wouldn't move. Mind and body were not in tune or even connected for the last 30 seconds as the final event unfolded infront of me and a Rottweiler/Timberwolf  mix dog I had named "Foots" who started yelping a death moan (never heard it before or since from a dog...pure terror) and urinating on itself while watching what I was watching.

I ran in the snow with no shoes for over a 1/4 to1/2 mile and I had my fathers pants on which I held up with one hand while holding his jacket closed with the other while running. I ran straight into a restaurant where they were having an Anniversary dinner.

When I met my step-father in Hawaii in 2003 and had the only beer with him that I have ever had and probably ever will... I asked him one question. Of all the things that have happened in a very eventful life and at a meeting which was in memory of my mother who I lost to Cancer......(she had always wanted us to try and be civil)  I only asked him this question:

Did that night really happen?
(He doesn't know what happened because I never told him)
 but he said I really did run a long long way in the snow with no shoes wearing his clothes and I ran into the restaurant while they ate.  Looked like "I saw a ghost". He noted/reminded me that the room I never ever entered again was occupied by my mothers brother, my uncle Fred (I actually grabbed the room right after him because it had it's own entrance). He had suddenly departed while waiting for his new house to be finished and asked that his sister, my mother, bring his things to him that he had left behind. He never returned to that house and I never saw him again. He died at 39. I wonder if he have a common topic? Why did he leave so suddenly without anything? He never came back and lived with an ex girlfriend he hated instead of that room.
I think he experienced what I did and took off.

I'll never know...I do know that if I was an adult and not a kid I woulda never have gone near that house...not even look at it. He was an adult...he could run.

I realized that all there is is not all that we see. There is apparently more. Someone in the ancient past saw what I did and the things I did and described it as "Hell" or "Hades". They were just putting words and images on something difficult to describe or understand.  I'm fairly articulate but even in these times I cannot explain what I saw.

I don't even see a point anymore. No one would believe me and even if they did what does THAT mean? They still won't understand because I was there and I don't understand. It's possible to be written off as a loon and there is no plus that I can see.

If I had a choice to go back and not experience  that night I wouldn't change it. It made me the "Supreme" me. I am extreme. I tolerate zero bullshit and do everything I do 100% and it's absolutely related to that night. I suppose that the folks who lie and scum their way through life have a surprise waiting for them. I will not be surprised. I have already seen/been warned or whatever but I won't be blindsided if it goes bad. My way seems to me to be the best way of avoiding it. I can't explain it. It's just that way.

The Curse

(See: The Blessing)

The single most formative moment of my life is the one that I cannot share. Even on a blog communicating with strangers I am unable to just "release". I have told maybe 3 people the entire story in my entire life and that included a tenured Professor (my last and final attempt) and they all couldn't get their heads around it. I finally realized how it must look to them. How can you believe what you don't even understand? How can I expect that from others?

I studied theology looking for an answer and came away totally disillusioned with organized religion...all of them in their current forms. Man THAT was a mistake. Faith is a funny thing because if you start asking questions you start losing it...Faith...that's why there is a "Sheppard/Leader" and their "Flock". Ask the average Christian what "The Christ" means and they won't's not Jesus's last name yo!

Science? Science IS another religion. The Big Bang theory requires that you believe that everything came from nothing in a time span that violates and smashes physics.Einstein's theory that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light makes little sense and is being disproved as we sit today which really helps the Big Bang because the old Physics joke is "Nothing travels faster than the speed of light" Get it? in if there was nothing  it doesn't violate the theory except when it's suddenly not nothing then the rule applies.... Fine......O.K..... But requiring empirical data from religion while wrapping theory around theory to patch other theories is not intellectually inspiring.

I can give you this message: (if you remember nothing but this it will have been worth it to have been here)

There are two options as far as I can figure,

A) I saw the place very angry bad people go and they are not happy forever I guess? It is possible to extrapolate that there is an "anti" everything including matter itself. If the place I saw and the folks who occupy it have an opposite then maybe there is a place where good people go?


B) What I saw is it. That's it. You are enjoying "Heaven" right now and you have had it backwards the whole time. You are at the best place now. All the choices are yours. Happiness is yours to grab or refuse. Having kids living life being a good human is the "game" and your playing it now and then that's it. Break time is over and the suffering begins. I have never seen anything like Heaven. I have almost died and never saw anything remotely wonderful or peaceful. Folks who have been resuscitated have described similar experiences to those that can be duplicated by stimulating a certain region in the brain. I'm not saying anything except I've never been witness to a good and happy place.


There is more to the world than you can see.
Please trust me on this. I swear on the soul of my Mother this is a true story that I alluded to. For about 5 minutes or so at the age of 13 I saw somethings that cannot be explained . I know what it's like to know something so bizzare you have to keep it secret from everyone you know....I've been doing it for about 20 years.