Friday, April 27, 2012

The day I didn't wanna die

Life is like this...without the speech. A wrong turn a miss step a late alarm....changes everything. We don't even usually realize how close we were to oblivion.

I have had a lot of people say I'm crazy or a Sociopath or Psychopath. I'm sure you (the folks who say it or imply it) really don't know what those words mean.

Your image has been shaped by the media. That's pretty normal but don't confuse what is true and what you think is true. Perception is Reality all the way to.......when it isn't....and your probably suffering at that moment of realization for being wrong...that's when you realize....Your perception is YOUR reality If you ever fall on the wrong side of a true Sociopath you won't know it until it's too late.

"The wild boar runs from the tiger,
 knowing that each be well-armed by nature with deadly strength, may kill the other.
 Running, he saves his own life and that of the tiger.
This is not cowardice. It is the love of life." -- Master Po

I was licking an Ice cream or more accurate ..I was putting a piece of chocolate cake on a glob of ice cream and stuffing my fat face. I was feeling alright about everything and then I caught him out of the corner of my eye. He musta been 5 ft 5 and 140lbs soaking wet. He looked Hawaiian Filipino mix and he was...let's just say if you've never been a strung out addict you'll never know and that's good for you.

Imagine wanting something and deciding that anything that gets in the way of getting that is getting damaged. And by the way....burn the whole fucking world and everyone in it. Light it up....fucking burn.

How many folks have come outta that hell and got their mind right while sitting in a cell for killing somebody? I bet a lot. "OMG I killed someone!!!" ...that's when you need some drugs because most folks have a conscience and the guilt of taking a life is for most a very heavy thing no matter how much they pose and posture for whomever they are trying to look "strong" to.

I have never met a person who was happy that they killed. Not Military or otherwise. Don't believe the hype via saturation by media and drama''s pretty rare to meet a real killer even amongst killers.

That skinny little flip was having a "burn the whooooole fucking world and everyone in it" moment and I knew it before anyone even noticed him.....and he noticed THAT.

He started walking across the street and stopped in the middle of the road infront of traffic screaming at me and telling me where he was gonna stick my head. I never even considered knocking him out because i knew where he was mentally and fighting with someone who doesn't care if they die is bad. I have been him and others have been me at that moment and they were wrong with their choice...I wasn't gonna be wrong. I chose life and looked at my chocolate falling off the ice cream knowing that if I had never been him I mighta chosen death without even knowing it.


I saw you last Sunday JayRay. On your bike. Near the vending machines. I almost snatched you outta your world. You have no idea how close you came to having the worst memory of your life. I let go of the rage from the disrespect. You get 1 more chance than most..which is 1....and it's partly because you got small kids. That you even put yourself in that position is amazing. This one is on me. The next one will be on you.